," and decided to think about these questions for myself. So here we go:
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Is this how old I feel or how old I want to be? Well, I have several different answers.
Physically, I feel like I'm in my mid 20's. Let's say 25. I don't feel that I can do the all nighters like I used to when I was 18, but I feel like I can do anything physically if I really wanted to.
Emotionally, I feel like I'm in my 60's. I feel like an old bitter woman sometimes! I have stored up example upon example of how people have let me down, and then I give up trying to reach out to people or cultivate relationships. Then I get lonely, and then I try a little more to reach others and develop friendships/relationships--then I get let down. It's a cycle of negative thinking, and it's not healthy. This is something that I would like to change.
If I could choose any age to be, it would be 25. You've still got your whole life in front of you (theoretically, anyway.), you're old enough to do anything you want, and you have a little life experience under your belt.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
In the moment, failing seems worse. However, I think that when I come to the end of my life, never trying would be infinitely worse. The thing that I always seem to ignore is that I never know when the end of my life will be.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
This goes back to what I just said---We always seem to ignore the fact that life is short. Maybe it's because some days seem really really long. Or maybe it's because it can be uncomfortable to think about our lives ending. Or maybe it's that we feel external and even internal pressures to live up to a certain standard. To get the degree, get the job, get the house, get the stuff. We take care of obligations, we try to just get through the days and fail to think about taking actual steps toward our goals. Whatever the case may be, we don't like to think about our physical life being short. It's like we know that life is short but we don't act like it really is. If you think you have a long time to do the things you would always like to do, you feel that you can put those things off---for when the time is right, or for when you have more $$$, or for when you first pay off debt, buy a house, etc..
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
If my life ended today, I would say that it's about even. I haven't really said much in the way of what I want to do in this life, but I also feel that I have done some pretty cool things here and there. My life hasn't been as adventurous and I would have liked, but I have been blessed- definitely. I am thankful for the time I have had. That being said, there is room for improvement in how I spend my time.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
I would change the world so that no one would ever die of easily preventable diseases, hunger, or lack of access to clean water.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Traveling around the world with my family, photographing everything we see and experience, and trying new and exciting things along the way! This would be a dream!
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I think I'm settling for what I'm doing, for the most part. I do believe that my role in taking care of our two young children (Charlotte--3yrs old, Weston--1yr old) is very important and it is something that I enjoy overall, but there is a part of me that keeps longing for something more, but I'm not really taking any action to explore that longing.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Yes, I think I would live differently. I am almost 30, so if I only had about 10 years left, I would be doing more things that I would consider to be "living life to the fullest"-certainly. I don't know why I don't have that mindset now though.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Ultimately I have had a great deal of control over the actions I have completed in my life. I do believe in God, and I believe that God has a purpose for my life, and I believe that he has led us to a certain extent, but ultimately I believe that I have had the freedom to choose my actions, and to choose where I am right now.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
All the time! This fear of doing the wrong things has kept me from even trying sometimes. I don't want to make a mistake! I don't want to go in the wrong direction! But, the result is that I don't go anywhere at all. This is one of the things I want to work on changing.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Well, maybe I need to reevaluate why I am putting such esteem in these three people as fellow human beings--who will ultimately fall from the pedestal that I have placed them on. But anyway-- I would just say that I personally know this person and then say some positive things about them. It would be very matter of fact, and not in an attacking or judgmental manner. The three people would hopefully get the hint that I am not interested in talking negatively about this person, and they will back down.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Do not fear, but trust and seek God with all of your heart. Fear will hold you back from living your life fully, and God is the source of all that is good and all that is worthwhile in this life.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yes I would.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Not that I can think of.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I honestly can't think of anything. I have felt mediocre my entire life, and I have also felt that I have nothing new to contribute to the world. All negative thinking that needs to change. Nevertheless, I cannot think of anything that I do differently.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Maybe we all have something slightly different in our spirit-it who we were created to be- that comes alive in different ways. For one person it is art, for another- it's running. Running does not make me happy! I like art, but I am not passionate about it. I do enjoy making crafts though! :)
I have wanted to learn more about photography, but fear of what other people would think, fear of lack of money for equipment and classes, and fear of failing and making wrong decisions has held me back in this way. The walls I have built are preventing me from doing alot of things I would be interested in doing.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I am holding onto some resentments and unhealthy habits regarding friendships and relationships that I need to let go of.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I would move to Colorado--- gorgeous mountains, and close enough to so many attractions and destinations that I would love to see: Napa Valley, Grand Canyon, San Francisco, Yellowstone Park, ski resorts, there is so much to see and do out there-- it would be a nice change of pace from my southern east coast life!
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I do push the elevator button again if it seems to take too long for it to come! I know it's irrational.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
A joyful simpleton- absolutely.
22. Why are you, you?
First, I believe I am a unique person created by God, and that there is no one in the world who is exactly like me. I think that I have been shaped in part by my experiences--my childhood, the people I have met, the experiences I have had. I also think I am shaped in part by how I have responded to my experiences. This collection of life experiences is a big part of me, but ultimately I believe that in the very core of my being, I am me because God formed me to be who I am.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Probably not. I don't really try hard at being a good friend because I'm tired of being let down. Yes, I am aware that this is unhealthy. I want to get to a place in my mind where I am ready to give up my negativity about this subject.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Probably losing touch with a friend that lives near you.
25. What are you most grateful for?
My family--my husband, daughter, and son.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I would rather lose all of my old memories. I do have some amazing memories, but I also have photos that I could look back on of some of the best memories--my wedding day, the birth of my children, wonderful trips I have taken. Some of my negative experiences/memories might even be hindering me right now, so forgetting all of those might not be such a bad thing! I would be disappointed to live in a world where new memories could not be made.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
I think so, yes. You can study, examine, and critically think about what is true without necessarily challenging it. "Challenging" implies that you are assuming that it is not truth to begin with, and then being proven wrong. I think you can approach things in a more positive light.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Well actually yes, I do. It doesn't matter now because I believe God has healed me. Yes I'm being really vague :)
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Hmm... I don't know that I could pinpoint it. This makes me think about being more intentional about creating wonderful memories for my own kids though.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Ugh- nothing. I want to feel this way!!
32. If not now, then when?
Good point! We often say-- in 5 years, in 10 years, when I have more money, when life is more stable...before we know it--time has run out.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I don't know what I want to achieve! I feel like I have alot to lose--because I do have some important things to be grateful for. My family, my health, my home, we never go hungry.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Not in particular. I feel like this is a question that I'm supposed to say yes to, but the answer is no.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Okay--this is kind of a loaded question! I don't think that religions cause wars. I think that people, out of their sinful, fallen nature, cause wars. They may claim to fight in the name of a religion, but I'm not convinced that God is leading them to engage in violence and war against each other. The bible does document wars and how God had favor on certain groups during battle. I think there is so much that I will never understand about this topic. I believe that as a Christian, I am called to love God and to love my neighbor. I don't always do the best job at this. But this is my aim.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
I'm not really sure. In some instances, I think yes- definitely. Is it evil for a person to walk into a crowded room and just start shooting people? YES! But in other cases, the water gets a little muddy. Is it evil for a poor orphan to take some food from the market so that he can survive and bring food to his little brother as well? Not so sure!
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
A million dollars is not enough for me to quit a job outright. Is this million dollars before or after taxes? Well, in any case-I would pay off my debt, fund our retirement, set up college plans for my kids, and then evaluate what we would do with the rest- if we had any left. I would quit a job for $250 million though :)
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
This is a tough question for me! I enjoy leisure time immensely. To be honest, I don't know what work I would enjoy doing! If I found something that I really loved, then I would prefer more work that I enjoy. This doesn't mean that I would want to live an unbalanced life and only work!! I do think it's important to have a balance between work and leisure.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
This current day-- yes.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
Never.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
I would spend the day with my own family because if everyone I know was going to die, then my kids and husband would be among them and so I would spend my time with them.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No way! I do not value those things to begin with. I do try to take care of myself, of course! But my husband already thinks I'm beautiful- so why would I need to become more attractive? And famous? To be followed around by cameras so someone can post a picture of me eating a hamburger on US Weekly and say I am letting myself go? Or never be able to just walk around without being hounded for autographs, photos, etc?? No thank you!
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive: Having a heart beat. Having brain activity.
Truly living: living with a sense of purpose, enjoying life, living life to the best of your ability.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
After you have weighed your options fully. Looked in all directions. Then it is time to do something.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
We don't like how it feels to fail or make a mistake. We don't want to disappoint ourselves or other people. We don't want our critics to be able to say "I told you so!" Some of us hold on to the feelings of shame from making mistakes and it hinders us from moving forward.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I think so, yes.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Just now after I read this question :)
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love my family. I do feel that I show them love, but I could do better.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No I will not. Most of my days are filled with the ordinary. Playing games with Charlotte. Changing Weston's diapers. Making dinner. Helping Charlotte learn to ride a bike. Browsing online during some down time. Working on my etsy orders. I do think there is beauty in the ordinary. I won't remember every detail of the past few days, but I will remember that I was taking care of my children. That being said, I would love to feel more alive in my days. To feel like I am living to the fullest.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I think that I ultimately make my own decisions. I don't think that I am always making the decisions that I would want to. Maybe I do make some decisions based out of what I think other people expect me to do. Ultimately they are my decisions. I would like to worry less about what others might think though.
Reflections:
Answering these questions made me realize that I have some work to do on my thinking and perceptions! It was really interesting to think about each question. I would encourage anyone to try this exercise for themselves!